it follows

It Follows
Directed by David Robert Mitchell

All aboard the boredom express! Next stop, fucking snoozeville!
What the shit! This movie was so hyped up I completely ignored how the trailers for this flick were absolutely not terrifying at all.
I mean holy shit!
Was I even watching the same movie as everyone else? Am I alone on this one?
A scary movie is meant to be just that. Fucking scary!! Throughout the entire movie I didn’t even come close to shitting my pants! Not even once!
I mean holy shit! My underpants were so dry my seat would’ve probably caught fire if I sat there for any longer.
I love scary. Scary is my shit. I love how a good scary flick can keep your mind racing after you’ve left the theatre.

When I was a kid I remember having to hold in my piss in the middle of the night, fearful that if I walked down the hallway to the bathroom that something would be waiting for me in the darkest corner. Ready to snatch me up and devour my life.
That’s what a A good scary movie does. It literally changes the way you do things.
I mean holy shit!
You lie awake in bed shifting in your covers, never truly able to tell yourself that a random hand isn’t completely fucking capable of grabbin the shit out of your foot and dragging you to the dark world where it will harvest your soul and displace your well being for all of eternity.

For me, This movie was supposed to put just a tiny spark but into the modern horror. Instead i got a hot serving of disappointment with a side of whydoievenputmyselfthroughthis.
I know that absolutely-bone chillingly-terrifying movie is out there. I know that some where out there a little shithead director still has what it takes. Until then.. I’ll be here.. Forever waiting in my dry underwear.

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