jurassic kidsJurassic World
Directed by Colin Trevorrow

I know the Jurassic Park series as a whole can be pretty ridiculous, I mean it’s about fuckin around with dinosaurs in the 21st century. It’s supposed to be ridiculous. But holy shit! Running full speed from a T. rex in high heels!? When u had ample time to take off said fucking heels? Ya gotta come back to reality sometimes film makers. And that shit is just not realistic lol.
And it’s not like I’m completely in opposition to the ridiculous shit. When Chris Pratt was riding on his motor bike along side his fellow raptors, essentially hunting WITH them, I was totally bout that. Chris Pratt totally turned into a velociraptor for a second. That shit was tight. Ridiculous maybe, but gangster as all fuck.

And maybe it’s just me, but the whole “Hey I’m your older sibling and although you really look up to me I can’t stand the sight of you but in a couple hours when we’ve gone through a ton of shit I will realize you’re important to me” thing is really played out. Not just Jurassic Park but every movie where a sibling is unrealistically bratty.
Like dude, this teenager is going on vacation to Jurassic World, probably one of the coolest places on earth in whatever reality this world exists in, and he can’t look any more upset about it. They get to the┬áJurassic World resort and go straight to this baller ass villa looking suite and this little shit head is just staring at his phone; updating his Facebook status and lookin at noodies his girlfriend is sending him.
I mean holy shit! Before all shit breaks loose They go to this T-rex exhibit and watch a T fucking rex eat a fucking live animal up close AND THE OLDER BROTHER LOOKS LIKE HE IS HAVING THE ABSOLUTE WORST TIME. The little brother is relishing in all this amazing shit while the older brother is trying to holler at 16 year old girls. I swear at one point he turned to his little brother and whispered “aright look fuck all this retarded prehistoric bullshit I’m tryna mack on some bitches.” Lol this dude is such a douche bag I didn’t realize how much he sucks until I starting writing this.

And although I do like Chris Pratt in this, when it came time to get in the shit you could tell he was having a bit of a hard time making serious look natural.
A colleague of mine, Jason Dotts, actually did a little bit of sound editing for Jurassic World, and he said a couple things in an interview for this podcast that I really liked and now agree with after seeing the movie. He pointed out the same sibling feud thing that I mentioned in the above ranting paragraph, and he said this about Chris Pratt which is totally fucking on point:
“For me the whole movie was basically- I can hear some one behind the camera being like ‘Chris Pratt.. try not to be very funny.'”
Couldn’t have said it better myself Mr. Dotts!
Not trying to bash Pratt’s performance because it definitely wasn’t horrible, but I think a role like Guardians of the Galaxy suits him way better. A role where He can use his comic skills and be an ass kicker at the same time.
Before I talk too much shit about Jurassic World I have to say that it is definitely entertaining. Just depends on the kind of person you are. If you can accept the ridiculous shit they throw at you and still feel immersed in the movie, then this is your jam.

I tried to be that person. But I couldn’t.
Maybe it was somewhere in between the hybrid/death machine T. rex communicating verbally with velociraptors or the part where vicious flying dinosaurs with razor sharp teeth are terrorizing thousands of people, and this one idiot has half a mind to grab BOTH of his cocktails before running for cover.
I think that one tiny bit of a scene just about sums up the entire movie for me- an extra running for his fucking life from this flying monster while double fisting double margaritas.
Lol fuck off Jurassic World.


Leave a comment!