john goodman bigger10 Cloverfield Lane
Directed by Dan Trachtenberg

Holy fuck. Talk about some god-dang entertaining shit. I’m talking Banjo-Kazooie entertainment type shit. Shit had my lip gloss poppin and my booty popped n floppin.

What is it about John Goodman that is just so damn lovable? Even in this shit, playing one of his darkest/demented roles, you still just wanna pop over there into movie land and give ‘em a big ol John Goodman bear hug.

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Unpredictability is what keeps a flick afloat, no matter the genre. Take Titanic for example. Shit had me off guard af when that old crusty bitch tossed the blue diamond into the ocean. I was like ok Miss Crusty what a strange way to find closure. You could have probably sold that shit and opened up a fucking school with it. Changed lives for underprivileged kids in the hood or some shit. You coulda named the school some tight shit like “Heart of the Ocean: School of Dope Ass Shit n Education”. Or you could have gone a completely different route and moved to Los Angeles and opened up a tuition-free dance academy teaching people the art of krumping. But no, your old wrinkly ass thought it would be cute to throw away a fortune in the name of love. Smdh… white people.

I digress. 10 Cloverfield Lane keeps its audience guessing. Odds are you don’t know fuckall about this movie. That was a strategy the film makers intended. Just two months before the release date, no one had even seen a trailer for Cloverfield Lane. Not many had even heard of the director, Dan Trachtenberg. I mean this is dude’s first feature film and he’s fucking with J.J. Abrams on it. P chill. The secrecy behind all of this really pays off, though. My butthole was captivated throughout, and yours will be too. You can guess what you think is going to happen but nope you’re wrong. I mean holy shit! I half expected J.J. Abrams to pop up on the screen right before the climax and pull a MTV Diary and go

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Clovefield Lane is not a sequel to Cloverfield, so try not to connect the dots between the two, too much. Abrams calls Cloverfield Lane a “blood relative” of Cloverfield. Which basically just means they exist in the same universe but there’s no coinciding timeline per se.

It’s apocalyptic. It’s J.J. Abrams produced. It’s John Goodman acted. What more do you dillweeds want. Shit is so good you’ll be calling your grandmother up immediately following the movie calling that bitch a cootie queen for no reason.

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I’ve successfully said almost nothing about this movie while having written almost 500 words on it lol #secrets. Go eat a butt while J.P. gives a super dope ultimate maximum thumbs up.

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